Hi! It's R. Eric Thomas. From the internet?
I looked at the photos from last Monday's Met Gala and I really had the Tia and Temerity to think "Ah, it's nice to get a small return to normalcy." Wut are you on about, bruv?
This is what I consider normalcy? Frank Ocean gave birth to Mr. Yuck and I'm like "America is back, baby!"
(Although there is something very America 2021 about taking the mascot for hazardous chemicals you should not eat or drink and literally cradling it. Political commentary!)
(That's not actually supposed to be Mr. Yuck, by the way. At least I don't think so. If it is, I need to find out who Mr. Yuck's publicist is because dude stays booked and busy.)
I wrote a little bit about how confused I was by the theme of the Met Gala in the Wednesday thread. Suffice it to say, from what our best scientists can tell the theme was "America?! Is That Still A Thing?" Most people did not know what to do with it, although there were a few memorable exceptions.
Debbie Harry came as Betsy Diana Ross
A$AP Rocky came as someone whose office is too cold and really wishes that management would get on board with remote work once and for all.
Lil Nas X came as American Gay Rights Icon C-3PO (Many people think C-3PO is British, but no, just gay!)
And I don't know what's actually happening here between Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck but I am required by law to comment on it, which is the most American thing I can think of.
Anyway, the whole event was kind of a mixed bag and it's because the theme was obtuse. It became clear that no one quite knew what the assignment was except for Nicki Minaj, who famously did not go to the Met Gala because they required vaccination and she's still "doing [her] own research" (little known fact--MIT stands for Minaj Institute of Technology). Minaj also claimed that her cousin's friend in Trinidad took the vaccine and it made his testicles swell up (yes, honey, this is the news) and that the friend was about to get married but his fiancée broke up with him because he was now impotent (and that's what you missed on Glee). She told all of this to her millions of Twitter followers (Hunter Harris has a complete rundown here if you need it), and it's prompted an international incident. Boris Johnson has put out a statement about it (bruv! do not engage, bruv!); the Trinidadian government held a press conference where they were literally like "Everyone's balls are fine on Trinidad and Tobago." (Put that on a t-shirt.) And then Nicki claimed that she'd been invited to the White House to discuss her cousin's friend's balls, the broken engagement, the Met Gala, and, if there's time, Pfizer. (Can you imagine CJ telling Jed Bartlett about this on The West Wing?) But the White House said there was no invitation and what they'd actually offered Nicki was a call with a doctor to answer her questions. The White House was like "Bruv, you are not bringing your unvaccinated self in here! You can have a Teledoc appointment, though!"
See what happens when you don't have a clear theme for the Met Gala??? Chaos!
So, as usual, I have to fix everything around here myself. I have come up with a list of appropriate themes for the 2022 Met Gala and I am forwarding them to Anna Wintour, whom I assume reads this newsletter.
MET GALA 2022 POTENTIAL THEMES (internal use only)
Philadelp– Oh, I'm sorry, I'm copying the wrong note. This is my sushi order from last night. My apologies.
MET GALA 2022 POTENTIAL THEMES (internal use only)
A TikTok I Saw Once
"Hmmm. I don't know about that."
Hateration In This Dancery
Hollaration In This Dancery
Looking a Damn Mess
A Text From Your College Ex on the Night Before Thanksgiving, 2002
Plums, Who Has Eaten Them and Where Were They Kept
Things I Haven't Finished Working Out In Therapy (this is the underlying theme most years)
A Real Nice Clambake
If You Want to Be Somebody, If You Want to Go Somewhere, You Better Wake Up and Pay Attention
The Instagram Couple You Follow
The Instagram Couple You Follow Broke Up
Channing Tatum (why not?!)
Let's Take a Silly One!
"Imagine how tired we all are."
Last Call on Hot Takes About AOC's Dress!
Can Someone Give Me Some Attention!
Charlotte's W.E.B. DuBois
Your Worst Enemy
Nicki Minaj's Cousin's Friend's Balls
In other news, my friend Carl Clemons-Hopkins is nominated for an Emmy Award tonight and I'm more excited for them than if I were nominated myself (a brutal snub, truly, but understandable because I technically was not on TV this year or ever. But still!) Carl's category is stacked with greatness and I hope they're not too stressed and just enjoy the night. I suppose I could be texting this to them directly instead of writing this in the newsletter but now I've already typed it out so... Anna Wintour, will you make sure Carl gets this?
Look at this lewk!
This week on Previously On I wrote about Mike Richards, who was host of Jeopardy! for half a Scaramucci, and made a suggestion for who should replace him.
Random Thing on the Internet
The only place I go for fashion commentary is my friend Meghann's blog Way Too Shay, on which she posts rundowns of the Good, The Bad, and the WTF from every big celeb event. She's been on hiatus since giving a hilarious overview of the 2020 Sexy Halloween Costumes (a priceless tradition) but she's back with her thoughts on the Met Gala.
Bruv, do not engage, bruv!,