Tardigrade: Here for It, #338

Hi! It's R. Eric Thomas. From the internet?
Hi!

Villainy is in its flop era.

I blame Disney, frankly. When Disney stopped making all of their villains foppish divas, we really fell off as a society.

Old school villain: Paul Lynde on a bender.

New villain: generational trauma.

The 90s were great because all the villains were gay but they weren't villains because they were gay, if that makes sense. Being vaguely gay was a feature! It's what made us like them!

Me, as a 7-year-old, watching a decrepit drag queen smoke in a cartoon: "Sure, what you are doing is objectively bad for the characters we are supposed to care the most about, but, wow are you fabulous!"

The worst Disney villain of that era was Claude Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame and I think it's because his villainy was caused by uncontrollable heterosexual horniness. Take it elsewhere, babe.

But the golden age of villainy is over.

Beloveds, now we are surrounded by villains in reality and I do not approve (a BRAVE STANCE!). This is what I don't understand about society. We don't even need villains! Why does villainy persist?

Look, I don't have to tell you--things are not great, generally. We're back in that era where every conversation starts with "How are you?" and then everyone just kind of throws their hands up and then there's a weird pause where it's like "why are we at work right now?" and then someone says "Okay, well I'm going to share my screen where we'll see this quarter's figures..."

I have never encountered a Black History Month with more rancid vibes. This potato salad is rotten, honey. It's kind of stunning that the government's plan is to make this the last one ever. As if! First of all, beloved, mind your business. (And, in this case, I don't mean beloved affectionately. I mean beloved Toni Morrison-ly, as in the government is an antebellum ghost demon.)

I do not understand the villains in the DOGE at all. When they revealed the identities of the 6 barely 20-year-olds ripping the wires out of the government, I was like "Wait, I'm sorry, is this the cast list of a high school production of the Sound of Musk-ic?" The vibe is very "16 Going on 17," if you catch my drift.

Meanwhile Trump wants to put his face on Mount Rushmore (dumb). I don't get the fixation. Having your face on a mountain is not impressive anymore! Back in 1927, Gutzon Borglum (the son of immigrants) started a 14-year process of creating these 60-foot sculptures. Nowadays, they'd probably do it in a weekend with a drone mounted with lasers and use a design made by AI and it would look like a pile of dog shit. This is what Trump wants? FLOP.

One of the most perplexing horror of all the collective horrors is that Trump wants to take over the Kennedy Center. First of all, every day I ask myself "is this new thing something that every president could do? If so... why?"

This Kennedy Center thing is as close as we're going to get to gay villainy. Wanting to be incredibly involved in a theater's season planning? Paging Jafar!

But, like, does Trump have time for this? Is he not busy enough ruining the world and occupying an incredible amount of space in my mind?

Baby, running a non-profit board is a full-time job! You have to wear chunky statement necklaces and have long meetings on Zoom about the budget and harangue all of your wealthy friends to buy tickets to the reading of a brand new musical about tardigrades (but the tardigrade is a metaphor).

He wants to be chairman of the Kennedy Center? For what? So that Gallagher can finally play there? Nothing says "I am the most powerful man on Earth" like overcommitting to a volunteer position at a non-profit.

And do you think it's going to stop artists from making their weird little plays? Do you think it's going to silence those who don't agree with any of this villainy? Do you think this could stop a binge-drinking Paul Lynde?

If he wasn't so busy trying to abolish the Department of Education maybe he'd learn from history: art happens when it is funded and when it is underfunded, when it is policed and when it is supported. It doesn't need permission. It happens in basements and rec rooms and churches and gay bars, on street corners and in living rooms and between subway cars. In fields and on beaches, in sky-writing and on mountain faces and in secret and in the dirt. It's like the tardigrade, actually, which can survive years without food. (It's a metaphor!) Because art comes from the soul, something that villainy can't touch.

"MRS. HARRISON is one of those rare productions that succeeds in entertaining while also forcing us to examine our assumptions, in this case about the stories we tell ourselves and others. I highly recommend it." - Krista Garver, Broadway World

"...every word, gesture, glance and sound is woven together with the others to create a complex and controversial whole... Mrs. Harrison offers no promises, but we’re invited to wonder what would happen if both women – and for that matter, all of us — quit acting like we’re the only people in the world and acknowledged the validity of each other’s existence." - Linda Ferguson, Oregon ArtsWatch

"...after 70 minutes of speedy, witty dialogue accentuated by mounting thunder and flickering lights, Mrs. Harrison still has plenty of surprises in store for even the most astute playgoers." - Eric Ash, Willamette Week

Do you think this could stop a binge-drinking Paul Lynde?,
Eric