Star: Here for It, #344

Hi! It's R. Eric Thomas. From the internet?
Hi!

I am returning to the stage!

Yes, that's right, I'm coming out of performance retirement, slapping on character shoes, and maybe doing an accent or something. I am acting again.

Me, walking through Costco

One of the first books I ever bought from a Scholastic Book Fair, the open air drug market of elementary school, was called How to Be a Child Star. It had Neil Patrick Harris and Paula Abdul on the cover, which is funny to me because Neil Patrick Harris was a child star at the time but Paula Abdul was a whole adult. So, straight up now tell me, what are we doing here, really?

A book like this is catnip for the delusional child, a little prepubescent Norma Desmond. But the book must have also been targeting baby gays with the Paula inclusion because I saw the cover, gasped, said "Ooh, luv her!" and rushed to the checkout table.

Me in the self-checkout line cameras at Target (just kidding, I don't go to Target anymore because woke)

As you may be aware, unfortunately I did not become a child star. I was very interested in acting, I suppose, but I was not in possession of what we in the business of show call talent.

Fortunately, I was in possession of both delusion and that gay gene that makes children compulsively audition for school plays. And so I embarked upon a successful career portraying parts with names like "Police Officer #3" and "Pirate" and "Captain" throughout middle and high school, peaking with my incredible performance as Audrey II in Little Shop of Horrors (which I wrote about last year.)

Sometimes I fear that I shouldn't think about high school theater as much as I do. But what else am I supposed to hyper fixate on? My taxes? Finding new ways to make small talk with Uber drivers? The big shop of horrors that is the U.S. government? Let a man have his small pleasures!

Nostalgia in general is poison, but in my case it's fine. (That's the new motto of the United States. They put it on the money.)

I was genuinely so happy to be in the school plays (because gay) and the feeling of watching a supremely talented local 12th grader blow the roof off an auditorium is better than drugs. This is why I don't do drugs, actually: because one time Alex sang "Anything Goes" and it was wow.

Me, when the trivia category is "Tony Award winners of the 20th Century"

The last show I was in in college was Once on this Island, in which I played Papa Ge. Mama Asaka was played by a former child actress named Barbara, who told us that her nickname was Boobies and that she wanted us to call her that. She would take me to the Asian noodle shop across the street after rehearsal and we'd gossip about who we thought was gay in the cast (it turns out, almost everyone?). I was dazzled by Boobies, and her cosmopolitan finesse and her gaydar and her stories about meeting Michael J. Fox on the set of the film Life with Mikey. What a star! You don't get these experiences going to algebra class, honeybaby! That's the gift of the theater!

Me in Once on This Island. ACTING! CARRYING!

I love being awestruck and I was awestruck so much in the theater. I didn't act as much in college, but I became an a cappella groupie. You could not convince me that these people were not actual celebrities. I was unabashed. I still have every a cappella group's CD. Some of them signed! I love a cappella and I am not embarrassed about this in the least. The age of cringe is over, honeybaby. The world is a mess; just like what you like! Be weird! Audition for a play! Who cares!

And it's in that spirit that I make my grand return to the boards!

I have play that starts performances next week in Philadelphia. It's a comedy! It's a banger! Legit, it is incredible. Why lie?! The creative team and direction is incredible! And the CAST is incredible--Jennifer Nikki Kidwell, Kishia Nixon, Danny Wilfred... and me?

Danny is out for three performances--June 13, 14, and 15--so I will be understudying my own play. I play the brother! Whose brother?! You'll have to find out! It's the biggest part I've had since Audrey II. After 44 years, I've finally become a child star!

Me, a youth!

Come see my show! Tickets and info

You need to see this!

Michelle Obama's comedic delivery of the word "Strange" in this clip should win a Golden Globe. This whole interview is amazing, truly phenomenal. But in the spot where the video is queued up, Amy is showing Michelle her collection of small food toys and Michelle delivers the perfect comedic button.