Here for It w/ R. Eric Thomas, #188

Hi! It's R. Eric Thomas. From the internet?

This week: Shiny happy people everywhere??

I don’t know how to explain this but I just feel like hummingbirds are too nosey. No shade to the hummingbird community at large (at small?); I like hummingbirds very much and I always very happy when I see them. I just feel (and this is based on very little and yet also correct) that they are too nosey for their own good. Hummingbirds, in general, are those relatives who show up to the family function, fix themselves a plate, and don’t talk to anybody before bouncing early. Hummingbirds don’t want to be involved; they decline to participate; they’re still a little salty about that thing that happened at Uncle Roscoe’s retirement party. Hummingbirds swoop into the little punch bowl you set up in the garden and don’t even land. Their car is still running at the curb and their significant other is still sitting in the passenger seat, scrolling on Facebook, not speaking to anybody as usual. The hummingbirds show up to the function, make themselves a to-go plate, wrap it in aluminum foil, and bounce. They do not bring a gift. I like this about hummingbirds. If you listen closely you’ll hear a hummingbird shout “I’m not here for a long time; I’m here for a good time!” Inspirational. Do hummingbirds have feet? Unclear to me at present because I have never seen a hummingbird land. Why don’t hummingbird’s sit a spell and rest their bones? I asked a hummingbird this recently and the hummingbird replied, “It’s because I’m not about the bullshit, baby. I didn’t come here to kiki and cut up. I came here to fill my tiny belly with sugar water and go about my day. I have boundaries.”

This is all fine, great. Much respect. But Skittle me this! If hummingbirds don’t want to be involved, what’s the deal with those times that they zoom up close to you, in your face or at the window, flapping their teeny feather arms and just looking at you, unimpressed. Some would say the hummingbirds are trying to figure out if you are a flower. Suspicious. Whenever I encounter a hummingbird I loudly declare “For the record, I am not a flower.” So, that theory is out the window. I think hummingbirds use their speed, their smallness, and their beguiling cuteness to get away with zooming close to people so they can get up in our business. Hummingbirds are like “I am ambivalent about human concerns but I have an unquenchable thirst for drama. And nectar, of course. You know this. But what you may not know about me is that I have a nose for drama!” Hummingbirds are those people who can’t help put perk their ears up and shift their eyes when they hear someone whispering in a nearby cubicle. Hummingbirds look at you in your face like they are trying to decide what they think of you. Hummingbirds eavesdrop shamelessly! And every time after a few seconds they hummingbirds are like “Hmm. Guess I was wrong.” Rude! Hummingbirds are nosey and unimpressed!

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Incredibly 13% Of Americans Are Satisfied With How Things Are Going

Eighty-seven percent of Americans are dissatisfied with the current state of affairs in the United States, according to a new Gallup poll. That number seems very low. I'm no math-magician, but it seems that would suggest that 13 percent of people in this nation in this reality are satisfied with what's going on in this timeline at this juncture and, like the woman in the diner in When Harry Met Sally, I'll have what they're having. The satisfaction number is the lowest it's been since November 2011, which means that even as recently as last month (which lasted approximately 74 years) there were a number of people who looked around and said "Yeah, I feel okay about all of this" and, like Sally Field when comparing the long distance running capacities of herself and her daughter in Steel Magnolias, I just want to know why.


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Random Thing on the Internet

Like everyone else, I’m obsessed with these teens who respond to old music they’ve never heard before. Of course, I feel bad for every teen who has built a personality off of being too cool to listen to their parents’ music in the car but now has to field questions from those same parents about why they’re so musically closed-minded. Parents all across America are blasting Luther Vandross at directly at their teenagers and shouting “Oh, you’re too cool to go viral?! I see how it is.” Hard times for everyone.

I came here to fill my tiny belly with sugar water and go about my day,