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Crown: Here for It, #231

Crown: Here for It, #231

Hi! It's R. Eric Thomas. From the internet?
Hi!

If I was a world leader right now I think I'd just resign and go find some other job because there's no chance that I'll be on The Crown so what is really the point? Yes, I know that it's possible for world leaders to get TV shows and biopics of their own (Daniel Day-Lewis pointing and screaming at Tommy Lee Jones in Lincoln has entered the chat) but it really does feel like the ultimate on-screen honor is to be played by a non-famous character actor in as many as but no more than 2 scenes of Peter Morgan's "fictional" nighttime soap opera about generations of the same family telling people in love that they can't get married and telling people not in love that they must stay married and being mean to each other about a hat that can call God (I'm paraphrasing). A whole biopic is so much; if I was a world leader I don't think I'd want all that. If the filmmakers want to be "fair" they have to show your faults and have a scene where you scream and point at Tommy Lee Jones. Tommy Lee Jones is just trying to enjoy his semi-retirement; can we not? Much better, I think, to appear in one scene dancing with Princess Margaret and let that be the historical record. (It certainly worked out well for Lyndon Johnson who comes off as... colorful on The Crown. To wit, on the show he only has one business meeting where he is holding his weiner despite the fact that one of the only facts I remember about Lyndon Johnson is that he would frequently pull his weiner out in meetings as a show of power. I don't know, hon. I'm vexed. The other fact that I always remember about Lyndon Johnson is that First Lady Lady Bird Johnson spearheaded a project to plant wildflowers along the nation's highways and I think that's lovely. [Did people call her First Lady Lady Bird or did they call her First Lady Bird? Which do you think she preferred? Prebird? I think this is question only Greta Gerwig can answer.])

We have been ending our days watching the first season of The Crown with David's mom, which is why I am thinking about this. Well, that's not true. I am always thinking about this. But the Crown re-watch gives me excuse to tell you about it. I go back and forth about whether I think it's a travesty and a shame that Peter Morgan is ending the series before getting to the present because the Meghan and Harry exodus really does serve as a nice counterpoint to the place where the series began, namely the fallout from Edward's abdication and, later in the season, Margaret's thwarted relationship with a divorced non-royal. I mean talk about narrative arithmetic! I email Peter Morgan about this at least once a week. Well, I email Gillian Anderson about it as part of my regular "you're iconic and literally no one could ever" emails to her and I ask her to pass my notes along to Peter.

Oddly enough, the thing that makes me doubt that a season focusing on Meghan and Harry would work is the Oprah of it all. I am shocked to admit this but it's true and I feel compelled to tell the truth because Daniel Day-Lewis is pointing and screaming at me. I just can't imagine anyone playing Oprah. This is my cross to bear. I'm sure plenty of our phenomenal Black actresses could play Oprah but part of playing a real life figure on The Crown is shrinking larger-than-life people down to life-size. And, unfortunately, it is against the law to make Oprah anything less than larger-than-life. Oprah would have to be in The Crown, though. She's Meghan and Harry's neighbor! She got Tyler Perry to pick them up at the airport and put them up in his guest room! She did the interview! And before the exodus, she was, like, the star of the Royal Wedding. She's the Queen of America. Oprah in the Harry/Meghan season of The Crown would be like John Lithgow playing Churchill in the first season and, yes, that is a deranged sentence to write but also it is true and in your heart you know it.

Now, The Crown did a great job of characterizing the equally larger-than-life Princess Diana last season. Who can forget the scene of her roller skating down the hall like she was Tom Cruise in Risky Business auditioning for Xanadu? It was camp, it was iconic, but it was also tender and human. So, I suppose I'd be willing to look at some pages with Oprah bringing Meghan and Harry a spare dustbuster. Or a scene where Oprah and Queen Elizabeth talk about corgis at a reception. I would be willing to consider this. But I cannot, unfortunately, greenlight it right now.

A scene where Oprah roller skates through Buckingham Palace? Sure. Let's read it. Why not?

But, in general, you should consider me Natalie Imbruglia because I'm torn. I want to see this season but also I think it is best if this season just lives inside my imagination and also in my weekly emails to Gillian Anderson.

(I do think that there should be a Crown-style series about Oprah's rise from Baltimore-area news reporter to Queen of America, however. I do agree with that 100% [Do I agree with myself? Very well then, I agree with myself.] And I think this Crown-style series about Oprah should include a scene where Oprah sits in a church attending the Sunday morning wedding of the future parents of R. Eric Thomas, which is a true thing that actually occurred and I am very excited to see who will be cast as my grandparents. [Daniel Day-Lewis, I am sorry but there is not a part for you at this time.])


In related news, I can't explain it but I feel like these two pictures have the same energy. I don't understand it but I've been thinking about it all week.

I will continue to ruminate.


In the Wed. thread this week we discussed my personal catnip: a campy-looking trailer for the Tammy Faye Bakker biopic (also not starring Daniel Day-Lewis; what is going on in Hollywood?!)

Wed. thread: In which the eyes have it
A humor newsletter from R. Eric Thomas!

Random Thing on the Internet

For literally no reason:

Tommy Lee Jones is just trying to enjoy his semi-retirement,
Eric

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